The Language Of Sarcasm: Covert Verbal Attacks

Often, there is no shortage of people who defend that sarcastic people are more intelligent, more agile and brilliant in the domain of words. However, this form of ingenuity is sometimes charged with poison, an artillery of covert aggressions and subtle contempt that disconcert and destroy self-esteem.

Sarcasm as a form of communication has many followers and followers. For example, we can see it in several television series, where its protagonists show a privileged, exceptional and inspiring mind, capable of solving countless criminal enigmas and medical challenges.

However, these characters are characterized at the same time by a type of scathing language, seasoned by certain doses of contempt woven by great gifts of sarcasm.

We have to be clear, this type of language, satirical but witty is clearly detrimental to effective communication. Sometimes, there is not only a clear contempt, many times there is a clear inability to establish a neutral dialogue, a harmonious exchange of messages where it does not lead to mockery as a way of expressing power or dominance.

On the other hand, there is an aspect that should not be neglected. Sarcasm is more common among people who maintain a trusting relationship, such as co-workers, our family members or even our partners. A fact that further intensifies the wear and tear effect of this dimension.

Intellectual “thugs” and their favorite weapon: sarcasm

There is a type of bullying for which there is a greater indulgence, we speak without a doubt of sarcasm.  These types of aggressions as common as they are permitted that occur above all in our adult world, in our work environments and, especially, in those private spaces where the aforementioned dynamics are enclosed: those of a couple, family and even friendship.

According to the 2010 “Ranking Bully Types”, intellectual bullies are specialized in condescension. They are profiles that camouflage their insecurities through big words and arrogant phrases. In turn, they enjoy making others feel inferior under the clear belief that they are smarter, more skilled, and, of course, brilliant.

Thus, studies such as those carried out by Dr. Raymond Gibbs published in the  Journal of Experimental Psychology show us that sarcastic sentences are very common in our language. So much so that we are not aware of its impact.

At first, there are those who are unable to see in this act a form of intimidation or contempt. One ends up smiling at wit and subtle play on words and marveling at such a linguistic ruse. However, when the intellectual bully persists in his verbal artillery every day, things not only change, but have serious consequences.

Consequences of sarcastic sentences

The first consequence is the violation of the relational bond with that person. It is an attack on the self-esteem of the other, it is an aggression and a constant and relentless bullying .

• The second aspect, as interesting as it is devastating at the same time, is to discover that the sarcasm craftsman is rarely aware of his behavior or his intimidating acts.
• These personalities often camouflage a clear interpersonal or social insensitivity.
• They present, so to speak, an emotional dullness where the only thing that is sought at every moment is to impose their intellectual prowess, their ability to speak and wit. They do it because those are the only tools available to the sarcastic to reaffirm himself as a person.

Three ways to deal with sarcastic attacks

We all may well be captivated by the subtle verbal wit of characters like Sherlock Holmes. However, beyond a brilliant mind and a wonderfully gifted brain, there must also be a close, empathetic and respectful person. Because the ingenuity of a phrase does not matter if the message it transmits is harmful.

• This type of dynamics and verbal aggressions can be seen many times in those dinners with friends. There is usually no lack, for example, that couple (whether male or female) who drops a sarcastic and witty comment about the spouse that instantly provokes laughter from the entire table, except from the victim herself.

In some way, they are all accomplices of that covert aggression, of that camouflaged contempt to which we must be more vigilant in order to set limits. To stop them. We explain how.

How to defend yourself from the sarcastic person

The first recommendation is simple and basic: we will not assume a passive attitude towards sarcasm. Nor is it about reacting with anger, initiating an unhelpful affront. We cannot forget that, generally, we are before a person who is very skilled with words, but poor with emotions, and that is where we have our advantage.

• The first thing we will do is to calmly express “that the comment did not sit well with us. “
• It requires literalism. The sarcastic has a master’s degree in metaphors and the most sinister ironies. Do not accept them, demand that it be literal. Mature people transmit courage and clarity in their words, insecure people hide themselves in word games.

• Explain to the “intellectual bully” the effects of his behavior. If it is our coworker or a friend, we must make it clear that it does not make us feel good and that in case of not showing more kindness or closeness, we will choose distance.

Other strategies for dealing with sarcasm

Other valid ways to act in the face of sarcastic comments are:

• Ignore. It is about ignoring the phrase, as if the other person had not pronounced it, which would be: “to foolish words, deaf ears.” This will show your interlocutor that he does not have the capacity to get angry.
• State the reasons. If someone has used a sarcastic comment in front of others to look better, you can simply state their reason, preferably in the form of a question. For example, you can say, “Are you saying that to try to sound smarter?” By unmasking his intentions you make it clear that he should not repeat it.

On the other hand, if the artisan of sarcasm is our partner, we will talk about the pain that their verbal attacks cause us and that this continuous attack on our self-esteem is not a reflection of a sincere, logical, conscious or mature love.

Always remember that sarcasm and intellectual aggressors do not deserve to be fed with admiration, but cut off with the truth of what their actions cause.

The importance of maintaining an emotional balance in the face of sarcasm

A study conducted at Michigan State University found that incivility spreads. These researchers appreciated that when people were subjected to sarcastic comments, they wasted much of their mental energy trying to interpret the intentions of the interlocutor.

In the end, that mental fatigue took its toll on them, making it more difficult for them to control their impulses and manage their emotions. As a result, they were more likely to return the verbal attack as they did not have the self-control necessary to assertively manage their emotional state.