Behind A Difficult Child There Is An Emotion That He Cannot Express

Many fathers and mothers complain that their child is very difficult, that he is always haunted by an emotion charged with rage that he unleashes in an inappropriate way. With tantrums, bad words or subtle acts of disobedience.

We must be clear that no child is the same as another, and that none of us can know what kind of needs those creatures that we have just brought into the world may have and for whom we wish all the best.

Difficult children and pent-up emotion

Difficult children in turn often generate a very high level of stress in their parents, bordering on helplessness in some cases. It is not an easy subject to address, and in fact, books are not always worth us, not even the experience we have with another of our children or the recommendations of some parents.

Your son, the difficult child, is unique, special and unrepeatable. And if there is something they always need, it is understanding. Most of the time they are children with high demands locked in their “internal palaces”, in hermetic spaces where they do not find doors through which to express that contained emotion. That need.

Let’s take an example. Think of that child who has had a bad day at school, comes home and when his parents ask him what happened, he responds in a bad way. Given this, the parents decide to punish him in his room all afternoon. What have we gained from this? Have we fixed the problem? Absolutely.

How difficult are children?

If the difficult child puts walls for us, do not build new citadels around him, do not isolate him, do not neglect him, do not leave him alone. We are all clear that the process to reach them is complex, however, you must take into account these previous aspects:

• A difficult child is not always the result of poor parenting. You must not blame anyone.
• There are children with high demands who ask for much more than the rest, it is their personality, their way of being and this does not mean that we, as parents, have done something wrong.
• A child who demands and does not receive what he is looking for or who does not know how to express it, ends up becoming frustrated. There are many times that they themselves are overwhelmed by endless emotions: that anger that oscillates with sadness, others with boredom, sometimes with anger …

• Difficult children require a higher level of attention, understanding, support, and even creativity on the part of parents.

We must be architects of their worlds, safe worlds where they feel comfortable to express that contained emotion that allows them to get to know each other, let off steam, feel freer and safer to move through each of the scenarios that define the child throughout their life cycle. .

• Teach them that each emotion can be transformed into a word, that anger has a shape, that sadness can be shared to alleviate it, that crying is not bad and that you will always be there to listen to them.
• Teach him to breathe, to relax, to channel his emotions through certain activities with which to vent and distract himself …
• Teach them to accept the frustration that the world cannot always be their way.

• Teach them to listen and speak assertively. Tell them that their voice will always be heard, that everything they say is important to you …
• Teach them to have responsibilities, to fend for themselves in every step and decision they take …

Images courtesy of Nicoletta Ceccoli