Emotional Dependence Exists Beyond The Partner
The most talked about emotional dependence has to do with the partner. That complex psychological state in which a person finds himself and that makes it impossible to break with a relationship that is hurting him. Although she is aware that there is a problem, she finds herself unable to tear any ties with the person she is with. It does so because it understands that the damage it does, even if it is a lot, is less than everything it does.
It is an unstable relationship, where the self-esteem of the dependent person is seriously affected. The partner is idealized, there is a great fear of loneliness and if the relationship breaks down, the withdrawal syndrome will occur. In this way, an unbalanced and destructive bond is forged. A true addiction. However, emotional dependence does not only exist within the couple, but there are two other types on which we will shed light today.
Emotional dependence in the family
Emotional dependence within the family nucleus is present when one of the members shows an excessive attachment to another. His behavior will be obsessive, overwhelming and will look “strange” especially for the person on whom this inclination falls.
An example of this type of dependency would be given, for example, by one of the parents who need to control and know the day-to-day life of one of their children. They call him and need to talk to him almost every moment. A characteristic feature is that in their mind they always put the worst. Therefore, they need to verify that it is okay.
What happens when the son wants to become independent? Then victimhood, crying and certain manipulative techniques will be put into practice so as not to lose the one who has become the meaning of their life. If none of this works, the calls will increase and the stress will be so intense that the relationship may deteriorate.
In another case, we could find a child who needs the constant judgment of his parents to feel safe. In this way, he is not able to do something or make a decision without first having the approval of his parents. A dependent child will give up projects or certain opportunities for fear of being separated from their parents.
Although we can sometimes find certain forms of attachment current, it is necessary not to encourage them to last. Normalizing them will not be positive because, as we have already verified, in this type of unbalanced and harmful relationships there will always be serious consequences. On the other hand, many of these relationships are maintained because there is mutual dependence: parents have educated their child, the meaning of their lives, to feel insecure and dependent.
Emotional dependence on the social environment
The person who fits into this group is characterized by having a great need to be recognized by others in order to feel accepted. Maybe that’s why he spends a lot of time worrying about other people’s problems, while forgetting about his own. A sign that you are looking for your self-esteem in outside sources.
This is what gives your life meaning. It requires a connection with others, serving for something, sacrificing so that others are happy and thus the dependent person can be. Well, as we well know, the dependents leave their happiness in the hands of others.
The person with emotional dependence in the social environment is always concerned with pleasing others, which will prevent him from enjoying a healthy assertiveness. All this makes her lose a lot of energy, exhausting her physically and emotionally, while establishing relationships where disappointment will be the main protagonist.
People with dependency may not have it only in their partner, family or social environment, but in several of these areas: they think that they do not know any other way of relating to those they love the most. They act this way because they think it means that the person cares. But … what happens to oneself? An emotional dependent always looks for those who are more authoritarian, exploitative, narcissistic … Those who give off greater security at first, although later it is false.
Emotional dependence can become a way of life full of difficulties, sadness and unhappiness. That is why it is important to detect it and put a solution on it in time. There are many reasons why a person develops emotional dependence, even many times it is confused with true love.
Let’s pay attention. Idealizing and prioritizing others before ourselves will separate us from a love that we are overlooking and that will be key to stopping any dependency process: self-love.
Images courtesy of Rachel Bara
