New And Responsible Cupid Is Requested, I Fired Mine
After many years, many tears and many disappointments, I have made the decision to fire my Cupid.
He definitely does not know how to choose well. He shoots his arrows meaninglessly and makes me go through impossible loves time after time. So, from this moment on, I ask for a new, serious and responsible Cupid, who knows how to choose my partners well.
Love is blind but you are not
Throughout our lives we have partners who function very well, regular or fatal. In these last two cases we tend to think: What might that winged and blindfolded child have gone through his head, so that we have fallen in love with that person?
Cupid is, in Roman mythology, the god of loving desire (its Greek equivalent is Eros). There are different versions regarding his origin, but the most widespread maintains that he was the son of Venus, the goddess of love, beauty and fertility, and of Mars, the god of war.
Cupid is depicted as a winged child, blindfolded and armed with a bow, arrows, and quiver.
The Dr. Frances Cohen, a psychologist and psychoanalyst, has studied the subject of love from an organic perspective and has collated that during the beginning of a love relationship off our brain mechanisms that make us see the flaws of the other I individual.
The chemical elements that develop during the infatuation phase produce a feeling of euphoria that, in addition to making us feel very good, deactivate the instincts that allow us to evaluate the other person.
But we cannot think that love is only feeling, reason has to have a very important function.
It takes a very large dose of will to maintain and carry on a good affective relationship, only love is not enough.
Are there crushes?
When we walk down the street, we go on the bus, we are introduced to someone at a party, sometimes we feel a special attraction towards that person, a crush, a love at first sight.
A crush is an intense attraction, a captivating passion towards someone who alters our body, our emotions and generates a very intense well-being both in the presence of the person who attracts us and in their absence.
Syracuse University professor Stefanie Ortigue conducted a study showing that the symptoms of a person in love originate in the brain.
Dr. Ortigue showed that the feeling of love activates twelve areas of the brain that work together, releasing large doses of dopamine, oxytocin and adrenaline. And all those components generate a great feeling of euphoria.
Therefore, love at first sight is not only possible but also has a very important chemical component.
10 principles not to die of love
The Argentine psychologist Walter Riso, in his book “Manual for not dying of love” proposes 10 principles for affective survival which are the following:
1.- If they no longer love you, learn to lose and retire with dignity
Heartbreak hurts, it hurts a lot, but you have to learn and withdraw. It is enough to remember that irrepressible passion that we felt as teenagers and try to feel what it causes us now: nothing.
There are no miracle pills against heartbreak, you have to endure the duel with strength.
2.- Marrying a lover is like adding salt to dessert
The relationship with a lover and the relationship with a lover who becomes a husband or wife are radically different, and we must think carefully about whether we are willing to accept those differences.
One of the most important questions you have to ask yourself is: Are you able to trust the fidelity of the one who was your lover and now shares your life?
3.- Neither with you, nor without you? Run as far as possible!
Many people in the world are in relationships in which one of the people lives a perpetual indecision. In these cases, if we want to avoid suffering, it is best to get away as soon as possible.
4.- Affective power is held by those who need the other least
It is about living relationships in a healthy way and with detachment. It is about being free to love ourselves and at the same time share with the other person.
5.- A nail does not always take out another nail: sometimes both stay inside
Sometimes, at the end of a love relationship we look for another person to replace the one we lost and that is not a good idea, it will make us unhappy and the other person can suffer.
We must pass our phase of grief, learn and enjoy solitude and only when we feel good do we begin to interact with other people.
6.- Avoid irrational sacrifice: do not annul yourself so that your partner is happy
If you think you have to have a hard time for your partner to be happy, you have a problem. Generally it is a self-esteem problem that it will be convenient to work on in order to have healthy and happy relationships.
7.-If love is neither seen nor felt, it does not exist or does not serve you
You need to ask yourself a question: Does your partner love you the way you want him to love you?
If you are not feeling well or something worries you, speak up, communicate, let it be known or maybe that couple is of no use to you.
8.- Do not idealize the loved one; see it as it is, raw and without anesthesia
In the first phase of falling in love, as we mentioned earlier, we tend to idealize our partner and not see their flaws, but a healthy love has to be realistic, see the flaws and also the virtues.
9.- Love has no age, but lovers do
It is possible to feel love at any age but when there is a very large age difference in the couple, the relationship becomes complicated, because both people are at very different moments of life. It is advisable to assess all these aspects and be very realistic.
10.- Some separations are instructive, they allow you to know what you do not want from love
We must also learn from breakups what we don’t want, what we don’t like, what makes us feel bad. It is necessary to elaborate a “wisdom of no”, that is, we may not be clear about what we want from love but we will know what we do not want.
Therefore, it is not about changing Cupid, but about changing ourselves to be able to love ourselves and others.
