The Art Of Lying To Oneself (self-deception)

The word self-deception refers to the phenomena related to lying to oneself. It is one of the great traps of the mind. Self-deception occurs in those situations in which we convince ourselves of a reality that is false, but we do it unconsciously.

The difference between a lie and self-deception is that, in the lie, the person is aware that he is not telling the truth. While in self-deception a reality that is false is accepted as true without being aware of it.

In other words, those who deceive themselves do not realize that they are doing it, or at least they do not always realize it, and that is precisely where the power of self-deception lies. While we are not aware of it, self-deception displays its power; in its own way, which we could qualify as silent and chameleonic.

There are different types of self-deception, some being more frequent than others. Furthermore, each of them has different psychological effects. The four most common types of self-deception and their main psychological effects are explained below.

1. Functional self-deception

Functional self-deception is observed in situations in which the person lies trying to convince himself that his decision is the correct one. The best known example of functional self-deception is found in the fable of the fox and the grapes.

In this fable, the cunning fox is attracted to a succulent bunch of grapes and tries to reach it by jumping repeatedly. After a few unsuccessful attempts, the fox stops trying and faces her frustration with self-deception. Thus, he becomes convinced that he no longer wants the grapes, thinking that they were not ripe enough.

The self-deception described in the fable of the fox and the grapes is called functional self-deception. This has a very clear function (and hence its name): the act of lying to herself is useful to the fox to avoid the discomfort that derives from the failure of not having satisfied her need to reach for the grapes.

The problems of functional self-deception

Functional self-deception in the short term is adaptive, but in the long term it is neither positive nor beneficial. The psychological effect is achieved because the person decides to transform a truth (not being able to achieve a goal) into a lie that reassures him (the goal is not worth it).

According to the psychologist Giorgio Nardone, every good intention, if repeated in excess, becomes negative and counterproductive. In other words, everything that is functional, if it is prolonged in excess or taken in large doses, produces the opposite effect to that desired.

In this way, the person using functional self-deception does not challenge himself and remains within his comfort zone constantly. Because instead of preparing to acquire the necessary skills to achieve the goal that you want, you continue to lie to yourself, thinking that what you wanted is no longer so valuable or that it is not worth the effort that its achievement demands.

2. Value to believe

The self-deception called “value to believe” arises from the need to end cognitive dissonance. The self-deception of “value to believe” is characterized by the conviction that if something costs a lot of money, time or effort, we give it more value than what we have not paid such a high price for. Hence, for example, we value belonging to a group that has been difficult for us to enter more than one that has not.

In situations where a person has to work very hard to achieve a goal, whether the goal is attractive to him or not, his attention is selectively directed to whatever confirms that his goal is worthwhile. It ends up believing that the goal is valuable to justify the investment made. Otherwise, the dissonance that we pointed out at the beginning would appear.

Where does this self-deception come from?

As human beings psychologically cannot maintain a contradiction for a long time between our cognitive system (beliefs, thoughts and ideas) and our behavioral system (actions, behaviors), the self-deception “value to believe” appears as a way to resolve the contradiction.

The main psychological effect of this self-deception is that it keeps the person striving to achieve a goal that often does not fit with their system of principles and values. It is a self-deception that has an expiration date because its effect does not last forever. In the long term, the person often ends up being aware of this deception and feeling somehow disappointed.

3. Comforting self-deception

Comforting self-deception is the star of self-deception and is seen very frequently in people with celotype. The consoling lie is observed in situations in which the person lies to himself to hold an external agent responsible for his situation and to feel sorry for himself.

Some examples of consoling self-deception would be to think that one has a phobia because “my mother transmitted the fear of dogs to me” or to think that “I am very jealous because my partner gives me reasons.” These are thoughts that the person often expresses to find comfort.

Thus, consoling self-deception provides protection for self-esteem and ego. It makes us believe that nothing that happens is our fault and that we are victims of the situation. On the one hand, this is positive, since in many situations we are not 100% responsible for the circumstances that we have. But on the other hand, resorting to past causes and factors external to us immobilizes us in the face of change.

The Trap of Comforting Self-deception

The consoling lie protects us. The problem with a protection that is maintained too long is that it prevents us from growing psychologically. The psychological effect of this self-deception is that it prevents us from facing the problems that make us feel bad and confirms that it is impossible to overcome them.

4. Lying to others to convince yourself

One of the subtlest ways to deceive yourself is to lie to others in order to lie to yourself. It is about those situations in which the person transmits stories, situations and perceptions that are distorted. At first, you are aware of this small distortion of reality, but little by little the person ends up being absorbed by his story and the character.

If this mechanism of lying to others is repeated several times, the lie becomes the truth, also for the person who created it. A possible explanation for this phenomenon is that the brain adapts to dishonesty and lies are experienced as a reality.

It is as if the person forgot to have constructed a false truth. Even in the face of empirical evidence of their own lie, these individuals manage to continue denying reality, not for lack of honesty, but for the same effect of self-deception.

No one is free to deceive himself, it is a very frequent and to some extent normal psychological phenomenon. Being free from one’s own lies requires personal reflection. Diving inside yourself, knowing your values, ideals and desires is the first step to protect yourself from any self-deception and direct yourself towards goals that you would really like to achieve.