Difficult Girls … Are They More Attractive?

Difficult girls are given this label because they pose obstacles during the love affair. Tradition tells us that this attitude arouses male interest and that, therefore, there is nothing more inefficient than being an “easy girl”. How much truth is there in the legend?

First of all, let us point out that there are no fixed rules when it comes to conquest and falling in love. We fell in love with someone, but without completing a list of reasons. On the other hand, in the flirting stage there do seem to be some patterns that repeat themselves with relative frequency. They indicate that difficult girls do indeed attract more interest, but not in all circumstances.

The subject seems trivial, but there are researchers and scholars who have dedicated time to it. Rather than looking for the perfect recipe for conquest, what has been explored is how we respond to certain stimuli. Also how relationships are built. Let’s see what is said about it.

An old experiment on difficult girls

In 1973, Dr. Elaine Walster of the University of Wisconsin (United States) did a somewhat rudimentary experiment. He wanted to know if men had a “chip” by virtue of which they were more interested in difficult girls.

What Walster and his associates did was hire the services of a prostitute. Choosing a person with that job would allow them to identify the details of the issue in the most basic situation possible. They asked her to be reluctant to approach some of her clients and solicit others at random.

The result was that, under these circumstances, the men rated worse and were less interested when the girl adopted an easy attitude. They immediately lost interest.

The experience was later repeated with women who went to a dating agency. The conclusion was similar. The only difference was that, in this case, the men showed greater interest in those who were selectively difficult. In other words, difficult with others, but very accessible with them.

What these studies indicate is that this subtle difference modified the attractiveness of the attitude . Both contexts corresponded to women who were available for a relationship. Therefore, it was illogical for them to put up obstacles for what they themselves were seeking.

The difficulty and the desire

There is the idea that what is achieved with the greatest difficulty ends up being more valued. It has also been proven in social psychology: people value more belonging to those groups that have been difficult to enter. Also that men love challenges and that is why if a woman “makes it easy” for them, the charm disappears.

Neurosciences indicate that not only men, but also women, we like challenges. These add an extra touch of charm to any situation.

Dr. Robert Weiss, vice president of Elements Behavioral Health , indicates that men and women use more or less elaborate strategies to challenge each other during the flirtation stage. However, the techniques used by women and men are different.

The most common is that they “play” to be difficult girls, through behaviors such as feigning disinterest, delaying their responses and not always being available. They, on the other hand, prefer to perform actions that make the woman in whom they are interested jealous.

Difficult Girls: A Matter of Care

It is not always that a person who puts up barriers has a flirting motivation. Some people can’t avoid getting in the way in that initial flirting phase. They do it because they are very insecure and fear getting hurt. The other detects that fearful reluctance and usually responds by walking away.

Likewise, research published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology indicated that the difficult girl paradigm only really works when the other is highly interested in a woman. Difficulty in accessing it does not function as a trigger for desire, but it does increase it when there is already a manifestation of interest.

However, many times this previously expressed interest does not exist. In such cases, the difficulty posed by one or the other often leads to a loss of momentum. Nobody wants to try too hard to get something they are not sure they want. In those cases, the opposite works: getting closer and being more available to the other ends up being the spark that lights the fire.