Assertive Techniques For Conflict Resolution

There are many occasions when communication does not flow as we would have liked. Misunderstandings and conflicts occur that cloud relationships, giving way to frustration. In this context, assertive techniques are simple procedures that help us protect our rights and not harm those of others.

Knowing and practicing these simple techniques will make them part of our natural repertoire of responses. At first, surely, the use of them is somewhat artificial, but this feeling, as we say, will fade with practice.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is a communicative style in which the person is able to express their wishes, needs and opinions without harming the interlocutor. We can understand it better if we take into account that there are  three basic types of communication :

• Passive : in this case the person is unable to express their opinions or defend their rights. They do not usually show disagreement for fear of generating a confrontation. Their high need to please often leads them to feel manipulated and misunderstood by others.
• Aggressive : at the opposite pole we find people who address the other in an imperative way and without showing interest in their point of view. They try to impose their judgment and often use intimidation, accusations or anger.
• Assertive : this communication style is the most appropriate and is characterized by the ability to disagree and express one’s opinions while respecting the point of view of others. It is typical of a person with good self-esteem and results in a satisfactory interaction for both.

Assertive techniques for conflict resolution

Far from being an abstract concept, assertiveness can and should be applied in the practice of our relationship with others. For this, there is a basic sequence that we can use when we want to address a conflictive situation :

• Begin by relating concrete facts, rather than generalities. Instead of saying, “You never spend time with me anymore,” try saying “we’ve only seen each other twice in the last few weeks.”
• Express how the situation makes you feel, rather than berating or labeling the other person. Saying “this makes me feel sad” is more appropriate than saying “you are selfish”.
• Make a proposal in concrete terms. For example: “I wish we could choose one day a week to see each other.”
• Explain how that would improve the situation. “That way we could spend more time together and stop arguing.”

Broken record technique

It consists of repeating your affirmation over and over again, in a calm tone and without entering into provocations.

Assertive techniques: the fog bank

This technique is used when the other person criticizes or advises us with a single and perverse intention, that of manipulating us.

In this case, we will partially agree with our interlocutor, but leaving the final decision to our hand.

Assertive agreement technique

In this situation we will accept the wrong in our behavior, but not in our person. That is, we will get rid of the label that the other tries to impose on us, despite accepting our failure.

Ignore technique

This technique is often used when the other person is excessively upset or angry. It is about ignoring the reason for the discussion and putting it off until another more suitable moment.

These are just some examples of the many techniques that exist to implement assertiveness in our lives.

As we can see, the key is to maintain a calm, calm and respectful tone, avoiding provocations but defending our point of view. With practice, assertiveness can become our best ally when it comes to communicating.