Praise And Praise Are Winds That Threaten To Sweep Us Away

As we grow, we gain independence. With a few months we can crawl around, when we are over ten years old they let us go somewhere without company and when we find a job that allows us, we leave home. This is a gradual process, in which we will get a good collection of compliments and grievances, as we learn and take responsibility.

However, no matter how much we advance on the path of independence, what we will never fully emancipate ourselves from is the influence that others have over us. This influence can be deliberate, such as when our boss assigns us a task; or more subtle, as when our boss gives us a good collection of compliments, trying to reinforce our motivation and style of behavior.

Luis’s story

The fly that was swarming in the kitchen at that moment tells that Luis came home that day with dismay. His mother, seeing his state of mind, asked him what was wrong with him. Luis sadly told him that his classmates had told him that he was useless, since he had not been able to solve the problem that his teacher had ordered him to solve on the blackboard.

His mother told him that that weekend, when they went for a walk in the pine forest near his house, he had to pick up a pineapple from the ground and tell him all the bad things that occurred to him. The boy looked at her strangely and left, intrigued. That Saturday, between kicking and kicking the ball, he picked up a pineapple from the ground and said a lot of horrible words that we are not going to reproduce here. Put it to drain, come on.

At night, while they were having dinner, his mother asked him if he had talked to the pineapple. Luis said yes. The mother told him that next Saturday he had to take another pineapple, but this time he would say all those compliments that occurred to him. Luis, of course he did and his mother asked him again that day.

Specifically, he asked him if any of the two Saturdays had noticed any difference between the pineapple, before and after taking it. The boy said no.

We look like Luis

We have been Luis many times and surely we will continue to be, because the words of others penetrate us and leave their influence. We probably can’t avoid this, but what we can do is look at the messages that come to us with the perspective they deserve.

Because someone from their point of view tries to make a portrait of us, regardless of whether or not they want to insult us, it does not mean that it can be more accurate than a random one. In fact, probably before receiving the message from his colleagues, Luis did not consider himself useless, although he did not know how to solve the problem either.

Faced with a message of this type, it is always a good idea to introduce a question in our inner dialogue: why the criteria have to be set by others and not by you. Realize that they only spend part of the day with you and are only aware of a small part of what you do or think. Something that, whether you want it or not, does not happen to you.

Extract all the information you want from what they tell you, but in terms of being, the verb to be, you have the last word when it comes to introducing qualifiers in your definition. It is a great power, do not put it in the hands of others and if you ever do it in part, let it be in the hands of people who really love you.