I Have Friends, But I Feel Lonely, What Can I Do?

“ I have friends but I feel lonely. I don’t perceive a connection with them, something is missing and I can’t really explain what it is ”. There are many people – young and not so young – who can have this feeling at some point in their lives. Moreover, this perception is very common when we go through times of crisis, complicated moments in which friendship is always necessary.

Aristotle said that the true friend is the one who always wishes you the best. However, there are times when even having faithful people by our side, there is something wrong. They are, but we don’t feel them. They wish us well, but the feelings seem preposterous. And although they are when we call them, their presence is not warm or close.

It is true that no one dies because they lack meaningful or deep friendships. However, existence shines brighter with them. When a friend fails us, it weakens or breaks that psychological and emotional tendon that a relationship or family relationship does not always offer us.

I have friends but I feel lonely, is this normal?

Loneliness is one of the epidemics of the 21st century. As we well know, this dimension, that of loneliness, can be specified in real loneliness and perceived loneliness and both have a high incidence today. Curiously, the feeling of isolation and disconnection, even having multiple figures close to us, is common.

John Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, once said that we have a brain geared towards social connection. However, true well-being does not lie only in having those connections, those ties of friendship, couple or family. The satisfaction lies in feeling that these links are enriching.

Therefore, when we say to ourselves that of “I have friends but I feel lonely” we must become aware of something. It doesn’t really matter how many friends you have, it doesn’t matter if they are 5, 20 or just one. If those bonds of friendship do not caress or validate you emotionally, what the brain experiences is stress.

Let us now know why these situations are due and what we can do.

Loneliness in teenagers and poor quality friendships

In 2018, a medical insurance company carried out a study in the United States that can be perfectly extrapolated to any country. Something that could be seen is that young people between 18 and 22 years old are the loneliest population group. This trend and the perception of this sentiment rose dramatically in 2011, when the use of social networks and new technologies became much more established.

Today, there are many adolescents of 11, 12 and 16 years who express that of “I have friends but I feel lonely . ” The reason is that today’s relationships are nourished almost exclusively by the digital medium, from that scenario that occurs on the mobile phone where the links are fragile, short-lived and even unreliable for the most part.

What I can do?

It is very good to make friends through social networks and, of course, interact with those we already have through mobile. However, meaningful friendships are built through real connections by sharing everyday experiences. We don’t need to have 20 friends or 2000 on our Instagram account to be happy.

Happiness and well-being is often found with a couple of friends. People with whom to meet to share real experiences, anecdotes, adventures, intimacies and build a relationship based on authentic trust.

The true friendship cares about you

Friendship is closeness, reciprocity, interest and concern. The feeling of connection arises between two or more people when they feel that others understand and care about them. In this way, if right now you are going through a stage in which the thought that “I have friends but I feel lonely ” assails you, you may need to clarify something.

Do you perceive that they care about you? It is not necessary for something to happen to you for these people to come to help you. Real interest is shown on a day-to-day basis. If those friends are not interested in how you are, how your day is going, if they do not ask you how everything is going and stay to listen to everything you have to say, that friendship is not valid. In these circumstances, if what you feel is emotional chill and loneliness, it is best to assume that perhaps you should change friends.

I have friends, but I feel lonely: maybe it’s time to clarify what I want

Loneliness is also described as the subjective perception between desired social relationships and those we really have at the moment (De Jong Gierveld and Van Tilburg, 2006, Hawkley and Cacioppo, 2010). What does this mean? It means that sometimes we reach a point in our life cycle when we may need other types of relationships, interactions, and people.

You may have good friends by your side, good people who have been with you since your years in high school. However, it is common that at some point you feel that those links no longer enrich you, that they do not stimulate or nurture your existential needs. Thus, far from giving more thought to this situation, it is necessary to carry out an exercise of courageous introspection and clarification.

At the moment when the prick of loneliness appears, it is advisable to make decisions. It is neither healthy nor advisable to resign ourselves to sharing life with figures who, far from awakening illusions, turn them off. Maybe it’s time to start new life chapters with different friends.

To do it, to take the step, is to act in tune with our present needs to continue evolving as people in the future. Sometimes, you have to know how to let go of what no longer nourishes in order to grow and gain happiness.