When An Ex Rebuilds His Life

When an ex rebuilds his life and it hurts that he has been able to turn the page, it is due to a simple reason: we are the ones who are still stuck in that personal chapter. Not having made an adequate mourning and having accepted the situation, places us in the complex territory of suffering. It is necessary to be aware of this fact and to know how to let go in a mature and conscious way.

It should be said without a doubt that these types of dynamics and personal realities are very common. Seeing how who our partner was begins a new stage with another person can be painful. However, that pain must be punctual and momentary. We must assume that each one takes his own paths, that life moves forward and that our only responsibility is to rebuild our day to day happiness.

If we are not able to do it, there comes the defense, stagnation and reopening emotions and wounds that should have healed and closed long ago. So let’s see what we should do in these situations.

When an ex rebuilds his life and the associated pain

Why does it hurt so much when an ex rebuilds his life? Feeling pain is normal, prolonging suffering chronically is not. Nor is it healthy or permissible to accumulate feelings of anger and spite. These emotions stagnate us even more in those negative states where in many cases, we can lead to depression.

An emotional relationship is built through a very deep emotional connection. The brain is not adept at assuming changes, especially if they have to do with personal relationships and love. Likewise, as a study carried out by the Medical University of South Carolina, Charleston reveals, the brain assumes these ruptures as a real wound or a burn.

Pain is therefore real, and as such, it must heal. Only then will we allow ourselves to restart once more to cross to another stage with more integrity, less suffering and greater personal growth.

Going through the grieving stage is essential

It may take us weeks, months or even years, but the truth is that we all need to go through that stage called “grief” (it bears the same name as when someone very close dies because it means that we must accept that that person will no longer be with us. side). It does not matter who decided that the relationship ended, even in those who have “taken the big step” of separating it is a stage to go through.

This period serves to adapt to the new reality, to understand that life is different now and that everything that has happened has a reason and an explanation. That is, to accept that no pain is forever and that you can move on even if that individual is no longer part of our present or our future. It just fell “half way” and is now one more piece of the past.

After the duel, it is advisable to do what we like again, focus on feelings and of course learn from the mistakes made. No one can guarantee that, even when we believe that we are “healed”, we will have relapses or moments of sadness associated with the loss, but the truth is that with the passage of time the wounds heal.

The detrimental effect of social media during grief

Social media can hinder the grieving process. Well, it feeds the temptation of wanting to know everything about the other’s life. Now with the different online platforms for social interaction it is almost impossible to completely disconnect from a person. We can even develop an obsession of wanting to know everything about our ex.

This dynamic can consume us to the point of developing masochistic behaviors, where we visit all the profiles that have to do with our ex-partner, just to see how happy he is, while we remain alone, angry and sad. Believe it or not, this ends up becoming a vice from which it is very difficult to get out.

That is why, to move through and overcome the duel properly, we must avoid any contact with those profiles that refer to our former partner. It doesn’t have to be forever, but until we feel like we’ve gotten over the breakup.

For the psychiatrist Graciela Moreschi, social networks can make endless grief and she affirms:

If I’ve already grieved, why are my feelings still so intense?

Nobody says it is easy to pass this exam … When an ex rebuilds his life it is normal to experience some kind of emotion. Thus, realities such as sadness or acceptance are common even permissible. Moreover, sometimes a word, a memory, a photograph, a meeting is enough to rekindle memories. Digging so deep into our emotions and pulling memories from the farthest chest can weaken even the strongest.

• When we find out that our ex is rebuilding her life and has started a new relationship, the feelings “shoot up” and we don’t quite understand why. ” If I’ve already forgotten … why does it bother me?”, “So quickly has he taken me from his heart?” to get him back ” . These are just some of the most common questions in this situation that many have gone through.

• It is understood that having a new partner everything else has been in the past and that is not so. There are not a few who try to forget about an ex with another relationship, there are those who even consider that they cannot live alone or that they need someone to be happy.

All of them are highly complex and unhealthy situations that should invite us to reflect.

After the duel, you must “train” your thoughts

Grief relieves the emotional part and favors acceptance of what happened. However, as we have already pointed out, it is common to sometimes experience a certain discouragement and sadness when seeing that our ex rebuilds his life. So, as it reveals a study conducted at the University of Missouri, St. Louis and published in the J our nal of Experimental Psychology, most effective after performing the duel is to perform certain cognitive strategies. They are as follows:

• Telling ourselves that it is okay to continue to “feel something” for our partner. It is a way to feed the positive vision without falling into hatred or contempt.
• It is necessary to repeat something very simple to ourselves: our ex is past. Living in the past is suffering and we do not deserve a life of suffering. We must look to the future, for our dignity, health and well-being.
• Stop obsessive thoughts: stop the flow of pain. This mental strategy is essential. Thinking constantly about that person is meaningless. We must focus on the present by distracting the mind and looking at new illusions.

Seeing your ex in a relationship is good news

So, how are you reading it: if your ex rebuilds his life it is a positive thing. As much as it may be difficult for you to admit or accept it, that your ex has already formed a couple is excellent. Maybe you don’t see it that way and you keep criticizing yourself for everything you’ve done wrong, maybe you don’t understand how she managed to “replace” you so quickly or even that news has “warned” you that you haven’t completely forgotten her yet.

If you still have not been able to find a person according to your tastes, do not be mortified, do not think that you are worse than anyone and do not compare yourself with what happens to your ex. Take advantage of this time alone to get to know yourself better, to heal the wounds of the past, to understand what is happening inside you and to focus on the future.

If, on the other hand, you are already in a relationship and it has also bothered you to know that your ex is in a relationship, perhaps it is not because you are still in love with that person but because of what is known as a “narcissistic wound”.

What does this mean? A “low blow” to our self-esteem that forces us to accept that there is another occupying a place that was previously ours. Jealousy? Envy? A little of both! Try to think coldly and not put your feelings before your thoughts. That we all have the right to be happy and share our moments with someone special!